i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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