dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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