A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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