Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize