doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
