Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize