i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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