omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ttyl tear gas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
