I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
