it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
