so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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