You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
