Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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