the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize