We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
