that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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