I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
