i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
