Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
