You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
