I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
