i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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