I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
