I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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