my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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