I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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