turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Couch. On fire.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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