Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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