i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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