Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
