wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
