my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
