It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
