who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
