He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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