Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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