I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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