You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize