went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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