every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
