Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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