i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
