Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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