I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Randomize
