She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
