I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
