If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
