He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
