Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am one with the molecules
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
