i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
