Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
