Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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