Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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