how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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