I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm at about main and main street
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize