just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
