He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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