At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
