Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
