I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
