Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
