We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
