my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
