Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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