Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
