I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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