This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
