its not stalking. its research.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
