He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
