is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
