The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
