That's when you crack a 10am beer
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
high people should be assigned attendants
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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