I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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