we're blogging at a bar
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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