There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
