We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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