You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
