i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
